[ Session Start! Hold for incoming exposition! ] [ We find Our Heroes staring Destiny right in the eye! Apparently, Destiny is an old geezer and priest of Bahamut, but doesn't that kind of figure, really? Uh, anyway, Destiny -- if that *is* his real name -- suddenly sneezes! ] (and Destiny is replaced for this issue with Delirium) (Let's see if anyone notices.) (...?) (Folgers Coffee commercial take-off) [ For a while, nothing happens, but an uneasy silence hangs in the air. Then Vall starts sniffling, and you all get a vague sense of dread. Our Heros should probably tell him not to sneeze... but we all know what he'd say to that. ] * Vall sneezes. [ Exactly. He'd say 'achoo'. ] achoo * HKenji gets a look of vague dread on his face. * HKenji switches very quickly to a look of _specific_ dread. * Patrick smirks. * Tia hands Vall a hanky. * Seylin reaches for a handkerchief, but probably to no avail. thanks... You're welcome! Sorry about the blood stains. * Will smiles. "Bless You." ... hoo boy. * Patrick chuckles. [ But with the sneeze comes an unexpected transition. All of a sudden, you're all on top of a really big table. Around the table sit no less than five big, huge, ugly things that you know from your lessons to be Glabrezu. Also at the table is a very pretty young lady with freckles. ] ... I reiterate. Hoo boy. ... Well, isn't this just ducky. [ One of the Glabrezu mutters. "I hate elves." ] Fuzzy people! ... This is interesting. ^_^ * Seylin blinkblinks. "Um. This... isn't what I was expecting." [ "Shit!" says another. "Can't we have a private meeting in PRIVATE anymore?" ] * Seylin waves to the lady with freckles. "Hi there! Don't mind us, we're just passing through, really!" Hi! * HKenji blinks. * Istvan bounces his war pick on his shoulder, but doesn't make any other movements. * Tia grins toothily. * Tia waves. * Vall gets off the table near the woman. "Sorry. We'll be leaving now." He tries to get another sneeze out, but can't. Where are we? [ A wing stretches out from the woman's back, blocking Vall's way. "Okay. First thing's first; is this deliberate?" ] Complete accident, I assure you. * Seylin eyes the woman's batwings. .oO(we are so hosed) * Seylin folds her own in tighter. Our companion has an unfortunate magical malady. If it isn't cured soon, I'll apply the one surefire cure. Where might this place be by the way? * Tia still grins. She doesn't appear preturbed. * Seylin makes her way over to Patrick, and quietly says to him, "You got anything that'd make Vall sneeze again?" [ The woman sighs. "Elfsneeze, right. Okay, fine. If you'll all please go out into the adjacent room, I'll be with you in a moment." ] Okay! Thank you, milady. * Patrick hrmmms... "Well, I could, but he'd never forgive me for it. ~_^" * Seylin smiles. "Okay, don't worry about it, then." She then turns to the woman. "Oh, sure thing!" Anyways, looks like the woman's got things in hand. * Tia moves toward the adjacent room. ... * Vall heads there as well. * HKenji turns around and walks out. * Will quickly follows behind Kenji. * Patrick follows! * Istvan walks out, muttering something about his luck. * Seylin hops off the table and walks out. I'm going to kill you, Vall. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I _WILL_ kill you. I'll help. ^_^ You really should get that looked at, Vall. What are the fuzzy people? So long as you give me some warning before you do. * Patrick says that in such a cheery way, you can't be sure if he means it or not. ... I'll probably just cut off your nose, if that helps. [ The room you enter is a waiting room. A large one. Soul- numbing muzac plays on the speakers, and all the magazines on the racks are the ones that people tend to throw away without even looking at. ] At least we now know of the ailment's name. Elfsneeze. * Seylin looks around the room. "Wow. We really *are* in a demon plane, aren't we?" * Tia picks up a magazine and flips through it. We're in Hell, I think. * Istvan turns to Tia. "If I'm remembering right, Glabrezu. Demons. Very nasty, in a 'kill us easily' sorta way." Yup. ^_^ You seem awefully cheerful Patrick. * Istvan eyes Patrick. "And you're smiling in response to that statement? * Seylin looks almost... worried. "I don't think they like Celestials much here." Gla...brezu? Okay. * Patrick smirks at Will. "You say that like it's a bad thing." * Patrick whispers to Seylin. ... not bad so much as completely nonsensical. This doesn't exactly qualify as a happy occasion. And I need a reason to smile? Not to mention demons probably don't like cheerful people. * Seylin whispers back. * Istvan shrugs. "Just seems like a non-smiling occasion." Non-smiling? Why? Is something wrong? * HKenji smiles. [ The woman comes out shortly, a palm-organizer in hand. "Oookay. So, you're probably wondering where you are, who I am, and all sorts of other things that you doubtless believe to be important, yes?"] There has never been a better time to smile. Not really. * Patrick smiles. * Istvan just stands impassively. As long as you can tell us how to get out of here, I'm quite satisfied to leave all the other questions unanswered. * Seylin smiles too. Why not? She keeps her wings tightly folded, though, but it's not as if she can hide them by doing that. * Vall stands off to one side; ever the outsider. * Patrick stays close to Seylin. * Will smiles, although it appears a bit forced. * Vall openly scowls. My name's Tia! What's yours? [ She shrugs. "Not unreasonable. But, despite the fact that I'm not an abyssal lord by choice, I'm also not quite into charity to random strangers who sneeze their way onto my metting table." ] * Tia grins at the woman. It was totally an accident, believe us! * Seylin gives Vall a quick glare. [ "Chelsea, and it's nice to meet you, Tia." The woman almost seems to care as she says that. Then she continues. "First off, I'd like certain assurances before you go. Second, I'd like to hire you while you're here." ] Nice to meet you too, Chelsea! ...Hire us? For what? Okay, what do you want to be assured of, and what do you want us to do? * Vall raises an eyebrow, still scowling, and still silent. * Seylin blinks. "Wait, hire us?" * Patrick glances at Vall. "Hey, hey. Don't get mad at her until she does something to really piss you off." Not mad at her. This mess ain't her fault. * Istvan returns to bouncing his pick on his shoulder, content to let the more talkative people talk this out... for now. [ "Yes, hire. I want you to go kill some evil things. You're all good boys and girls, so you should be up for this. You will also be aiding someone who, surprisingly, is not evil. Lastly, you will be paid in a form of currency useful for getting you out of here." ] * Seylin blinkblinks again. * Patrick looks over at Kenji. * HKenji quirks an eyebrow. * Tia wags her tail. What evil things? I'm listening. * Istvan sliiiiides out of range of Tia's tail, then returns to standing impassively. * Patrick turns his attention back to Chelsea. Bad people? Like drow? Or duergar? [ "There is a demonic army marching this way as we speak. I want you to kill the last remaining scout working for it. The scout is the only one among them who knows how to get through the plane between them and here, and so if he's dead, the army gets lost and I don't have to worry about it." ] Effective. ... what's the scout? * Tia doesn't look like she necessarily understands, but she grins and wags her tail more. That works, I guess. An act of war. * HKenji shrugs. "Where is this scout?" * Vall shrugs non-committally. * Will nods. "Sounds good" What's to say they're not at war right now, Kenji? * HKenji blinks. "What does that have to do with anything?" "After you agree to do this, I will give you a device that will take you to the scout, and then take you back here when he is dead. The scout is a tiefling, someone with a smidgen of demon blood in them, but not enough to completely wreck their lives and take away their freedom. Not that I'm bitter, oh goodness no." ] Exactly. * Patrick smirks. 'Course not. * Seylin nods. * Seylin actually looks a bit sympathetic. Particularly capable? [ "Not so much so that the lot of you can't handle him. After all, there's seven of you." ] * Istvan nods. "Just needed ta check." * Tia nods blankly. And you will then send us home? Or, more specifically, from whence we came? [ "Yes. As irony would have it, there is a portal a few dozen layers upwards that leads to the very cavern you were in. As I said, if you do this, I will pay for your transportation. I doubt you would enjoy other methods of finding currency to pay the ferryman with." ] Yeeeah. We're not about to sell our souls. Definitely! [ "Good. Then we have a deal?" ] * Istvan nods slowly. We will do you this favor. Sure. * Tia wags her tail cheerfully. Guess so! * Vall nods solemnly. Sounds good to me. * Patrick nods. "We will take out this tiefling. In return, you will send us back to that cavern. Sounds like a fair trade. And after we get back, I'm sure we" we'll all have something to say to Vall. * Vall mumbles something to himself in Undercommon. And it's not gonna be "Gesundheit." [ "Good." She hands you a magic item! It's... uh... small, mushroom-shaped, and looks like it's made of chocolate. But it's definitely magical. ] * Patrick smirks. * Tia sniffs it. "Is that chocolate?" ... don't eat it, Tia. * Seylin blinks at it. "Maybe I should hold onto it." [ "No. And eating it will probably make you die, so I don't think you ought to." ] Okay. I won't. * Tia nods solemnly. So how do we use it? [ "Good. Now you be good heros, and have fun while you're off performing noble deeds and whatnot." POOF. J00 AR G0N3. ] we are so hosed... [ You stand amidst a jungle of bones. You get the distinct feeling you shouldn't move much. ] * Tia is still wagging her tail. * Patrick smirks. "Well, this is a pretty picture." * HKenji stands stock still, making sure not to brush against any bones. Eep! * Istvan mutters. "Shit like this never used to happen to me as a miner. But no, I had to become an adventurer..." * Seylin pulls her limbs and wings very close to herself. [ The land around you is flat, and completely without dust, which is odd. There's bones everywhere, and you think something would've become of the flesh that must've decayed off, say, the fifty- foot-high ribcage you're standing in. ] [ Then again, this is the Abyss, and it's rather vehemently opposed to things making sense. ] Wow, look at the big bones! I don't like this place. I really don't. Vall, couldn't you have just held it in? Sure, your head might have exploded, but at least we wouldn't be here! I wonder what made them. * Patrick glances around the ribcage. "Ya got me, really." * Tia doesn't seem to be moving carefully like everyone else. I don't wanna know what made 'em. Really don't. Very don't. Sorry... Remind me to kill myself later, once we get out of here. * Seylin looks around. You won't have to have us remind you. Oh no. Guys... Don't move. * Patrick raises an eyebrow. * Patrick doesn't move? All these bones are full of traps. Don't move? * Tia stands still all of a sudden. * Will freezes in place. Aer you sure? If we try to leave here, we'll probably die. * Tia 's tail twitches slightly. ... great placement on that teleport, lady. Are there traps above us? And this improves my own situation... how? [ Fortunately, whatever this used to be had a lot of room in it's ribcage. Easily enough to have a good fight in. ] We can move around *inside* this thing, but... outside that... no go. (The traps are outside the ribcage?) * Patrick shrugs. "So, where's this Teifling? Hopefully around here somewhere? Where we supposed to track him down or does he come to us? * Tia explores the inside of the ribcage. She hums lightheartedly. I don't think we've got much of a choice. No going outside, right? ... question. If this thing is surrounded by traps... how is it gonna get in here for us to fight? Right. Well, if it can cross planes... maybe that's how. This person is a scout. I imagine he will have little trouble. * Istvan turns to Seylin. "Nothin' you can do about the traps?" * Vall looks around, and finds a decent place to set himself up to where he can cover the entire ribcage with his bow. * HKenji walks to the center of the ribcage and stands, waiting. * Patrick stays near Sey, waiting for the scout to show up. * Istvan returns to bouncing his pick on his shoulder, a bit more rapidly than normal. * Seylin shakes her head. "There's just too many of them." ... figures. Traps on traps on traps. * Seylin pulls out her halberd. * Will walks next to Kenji, figuring the center of the cage is the safest place to be. Anybody want a little protection? * HKenji smiles. "That will not be necessary." * Tia is trying to lick one of the giant ribs. ... I'll take a spare Brighthome heavy cavelry batallion if you've got one. That'd be appreciated. * Seylin laughs, a bit nervously. "Sorry. Not enough room in my haversack." * HKenji spots Tia and looks away, shuddering. Damn. Never around when ya need one... [ Suddenly, you know someone's there! Why? Because the world goes letterboxed, and you all instinctively turn to see him standing under one of the clavicles, half-cloak blowing dramatically in a sudden breeze. Guitar music plays from nowhere. ] * Istvan says that with an unusually large amount of bitterness. * Tia , by now, has started gnawing on the bone. Hey, that's pretty cool. Think you could teach me how to do that? ~_^ * Seylin blinks. "Nice entrance." * Vall blinks... and takes aim. * Istvan taptaps Tia, then turns back to the guy, idly twirling his pick. [ The man abruptly draws a rapier. "Sure. I'd have to kill you anyway, tho, so there really isn't much point." ] [ He's still there standing in Badass Pose #17, tho. ] * Tia feels the tap on her scaly shoulder, and she turns around to face the newcomer. Hiya! * Patrick snaps his fingers and a bow shows up in half-spin. He brings it to a stop when it gets to a good holding point and he has a trio of arrows in his right hand. "Tsk tsk tsk. Too bad, too bad." * Tia waves to the guy. [ The man twitches at Tia's cheerfulness, but remains badass. The GM's being silly, so this is possible. ] Aww, you sure about that? * Patrick grins mischevious grin #61. * HKenji drops into a ready stance, hand hovering less than an inch over the hilt of his katana. "Come at us, then, and let the blood flow freely." What's your name? I'm Tia! * Vall casts his true strike spell, prepping for combat. Aren't you the least bit interested in who we're going to kill today? ... actually, I'd prefer it if the blood flowed reservedly. *grumbles* * Tia whispers to Patrick. "Um, is he the bad man Chelsea wanted us to hit?" [ "Well, I wouldn't *have* to kill you, but I would anyway. Just for kicks. I'm a Tiefling, so I can be an evil bastard and it's okay." ] * Patrick chuckles. * Seylin pouts cutely. * Will nods. "That's true" Not misunderstood, just evil. But we'll have to kill you anyways. Screw this. Let's just kill him and get it over with, guys. Yeah. There's a difference, you know. [ "Sure. Someone once said I was using it as an excuse, but I killed him so his oppinion doesn't matter anymore, right? Anyway. You're here to stop me, I don't want you to, this is where we fight, innit?" ] Oh, are you evil? Papa always said I shouldn't be friends with evil people. Unless you want to insert more pseudo-witty banter here. WE're not here to stop you. Just to kill you. Tia, he's evil for sure. He's practically got it written on his forehead! Oh, okay. That's different then. I don't like evil people. * Tia raises her axe. He's evil, we're good guys. Any more questions? * Will casts detect evil just to make sure. ;) Why are we still talking? *advances* [ Will detects evil in the man, who does actually have 'EVIL' branded on his forehead, between his pointy little horns. "Oh, is that all? I'm all for that. C'mon, short man, let's dance." ] * Tia nods, then turns back to the tiefling. "I guess I'm going to have to hit you then. I don't like people who want to kill us." You and me. Everybody else, stand off. * Seylin points at his forehead. "See? See?" Can I help? ... um, no? * Patrick smirks. "Sure. Good luck Kenji." * Tia 's ears droop, but she stands back. "Well, okay. Go, Kenji!" Don't beat him up too badly. I want a crack at him! You sure about that, Kenji? A Lion never refuses a challenge. Me neither! * Tia grins. * Patrick whispers to Sey. * Seylin whispers back. (Maaaaaaha. Roll init in other channel.) [ The man moves into a defensive posture, rapier guarding one flank and buckler guarding the other. Go, Kenji! ] * HKenji charges forward, katana flashing out in a brilliant arc. [ Kenji cuts the man lightly on his forehead, lopping off a horn and changing the brand to read 'EVIC'. ] [ Tia, go! ] [ The guy's just about to bitch at Kenji for ruining his face when Tia damn near ruins his leg! Ow. Will, go! ] * Will clasps his hands together and casts Prayer! * Tia swings her axe at the tiefling! [ Tia's a swinger, but we've already been over that. Will, meanwhile, sings 'like a prayer' giving you all +1 to attacks and damage! ...I think. ] (That's right, Yu.) [ Yay! ] Tia, back down! (Sorry, delayed reaction. x_X) (and a -1 for opponent) [ The Bad Man seems more pissed off at Kenji, but considers his survival important enough to attack Tia-Kaiju first. ] STOP! EVERYBODY STOP! * Tia stops in her tracks and looks confused. * Seylin stops! Well, actually, she hasn't gone yet. *in Orc* [ The Bad Man only stabs Tia once in the gut before they're both stopped by Kenji's yelling. "Hey, you okay, basher?" ] * HKenji flicks the blood from his blade. * HKenji looks over at Will and gestures to the Tiefling. "Heal him." [ The guy blinks at Kenji, seeming confused. ] ... the hell are you smoking? Kenji, what are you *doing*? Fighting a duel, obviously. * Patrick runs his hand through his hair. "It's a duel. Interruptions in the duel distrub his honor, and while it's weird, you guys gotta respect that." You want me to heal an Evil dude? But I wanna help! * Seylin sighs. "Okay, okay. You go have fun." ... and since when were you in a position to give us all orders, Kenji? * Tia sighs and sits down, rubbing at the sore spot where the guy stabbed her. * Vall takes aim at Kenji for a moment, before Patrick speaks up. Although I think it'd be much more effective if we just kick his ass. * Patrick smirks. Probably. If I fail, THEN you can fight him. I'll be too dead to care. ... You're the *spokesman* for the group, and deservedly so, but I don't remember voting you our all-powerful dictator. [ The scout still has his sword in Tia as he turns to her and says "Is this guy serious?" ] I dunno. I'm confused! * Tia glances down at the sword sticking out of her. "That kind of hurts, you know." * Will drops a healing potion on the ground and walks away. "I'm not gonna heal him Kenji." * Tia looks at the tiefling. "Are you sure you're evil?" [ "Shyeah. You an' me both." He takes his rapier out of Tia, then look to Kenji. "You're barmy. I love it, but you're completely sodding barmy. I'll take you up on it, fine. You can even get ready. But I'm still gonna kill you for messin' up me damn face." ] I say we kill him in the most effective way and be done with it. Your precious honor be damned, cause *he's* not gonna show you the same in return. On the other hand, Kenji? No offense man, but he's gonna whipe the floor with ya. If he could penetrate that deep into Tia with a rapier... * Will walks to Tia. "Let me take a look at that." Casts Cure Serious WOunds. * HKenji looks the man over, finally taking a good, long look. * Seylin looks frustrated. "Men!" * Patrick pats Sey on the back. "You don't mean all of us, do ya?" ~_^ * Tia smiles at Will. "Thanks!" * HKenji turns his back. Che. Fine. Have your way. * Will grins. "You're Welcome." * HKenji places his foot lightly on the healing potion and flicks it through the air to Will. * Tia looks utterly confused. What's our way? * Vall sighs. “About time. Can we get back to our fight?” * Seylin smiles a little. "Maybe a few exceptions." * Will catches the potion and puts it back in his sack. [ The tiefling rolls his eyes. "Spoilsports." He goes back to stabbing Tia. ] Good. Now that we've talked Kenji into not committing suicide... What do you say we get this party started? [ He stabs Tia through a seam in her breastplate, actually. She looks pretty hurt by it, understandable. ] Ow! * Tia whimpers. Tia! (He can stab that high?) * Istvan scowls. (Sure, why not?) (shouldn't be too hard to stab there...) [ Yes. He's got the Tiefling feature that makes his legs too long. ] (Wonderful.) * Tia staggers back a little, bleeding. [ Will, go! ] (my turn again?) [ Yes, your turn again. Do something! ] * Will lays his hand on Tia and casts Cure Critical Wounds. [ Tia gets bettah! But she still looks hurt. The Bad Man attacks! 'Cause it's his turn? ] * Tia nods gratefully to Will. Tia pay attention! He's attacking! [ He stabzorz Kenji! It hurts! ] [ Seylin, Avengify him! ] [ And yes, Kenji he just stabbed you in the back. He is, as previously mentioned, an evil bastard. ] All right, that's IT! * Tia is paying attention. * Seylin takes to the air and swings her halberd at the evil bastard. [ The bad man leans to one side, nimbly avoiding the shot. "Is not." ] [ Go, Vall! ] * Vall fires a series of arrows at this guy. [ The tiefling badassly deflects the arrow with his buckler! Oop. ] [ Istvan, go! ] * Istvan decides that he's a bit too big to sneak around this guy's flank, and just charges him head on. He mutters something softly in Dwarven, setting his pick aflame, and brings his pick down in an overhand swing towards the Tiefling. [ The guy slams his buclker into the side of the pick, setting it off enough to not get hurt. He sticks his tongue out at Istvan and blows him a raspberry. ] * Tia blows a raspberry back. [ The guy eyes Tia. "I wasn't talking to *you*." ] * Tia shrugs and makes a face at him. [ Go, Patrick! ] * Patrick smiles and fires a flight of three alchemist's arrows at the Evil Bastard (tm). [ He deflects two of the arrows, but the third gets him good! ] [ And then, just as Kenji's about to do something, a whistle blows somewhere and you all sit down to have lunch while the GM goes to do some urgent business. ] [ And then you all finish, the whistle blows again, and you get back to the fight! Kenji, go! ] * Seylin whispers to Patrick. * Patrick whispers back. * HKenji spins, blood spurting nicely from his back, and draws his katana, slicing again for this bastard's throat. [ The guy tries to lean away from the slash, but still gets sliced across the upper chest! It's not quite deep enough to be fatal, but damn is it close! ] [ Go, Tia! ] * Tia roars loudly and chops down at the evil tiefling. [ Tia's axe scores a mean-looking jagged gash on the man's shield arm! Go, Will! ] * Will grins as he summons divine fire to burn the evil creature in front of him. *casts Flame Strike* ... [ Then the guy dies! His badassitude just up and LEAVES him! And the Evasion class feature don't save him either, 'cause the GM said so! ] [ He is FLAME BROILED BY GOODNESS, ladies and gentlemen! ] * Tia cheers. * Patrick cheers! ... yeah, I know how that feels. I'm kinda glad I don't. It hurts. A lot. [ And you all do the Final Fantasy Victory Thing. 'Cause you want the extra XP. ] * Will grins. "Serves him right" * Seylin blinkblinks. "Wow!" * Patrick smiles. No, my mom never accidentally cast a fireball in the house. Nopenopoenope. That was *awesome*, you guys! * HKenji spits on the ground at the corpse's feet. It could have gone better. * HKenji flicks the blood from his blade and sheathes it. * Patrick twirls his bow, has it disappear into his glove, and smiles. Che. I could have taken him. * Vall slings the bow, and approaches the corpse. [ Then you all disappear, before you get to lewt the corpse. ] Awww. Dammit! Oh well. Can we go back now? I hope so If we don't, there'll be hell to pay. And I mean that literally. ~_^ I'm tired. And bloody. * Tia limps over. You want some more healing, Tia? [ And you're back with Chelsea! "Yes, yes, dammit, you're in hell, very funny. Here, take these as payment." She holds out a sack of something that rattles. "Don't look into it unless you just really need to vomit." ] * Tia nods. "Can I have some?" ... Let's just get outta here, okay? ^_^ Okay! Sounds good to me. * Tia grins, wincing a little at what remains of her chest wound. * Will nods. Our tickets home, I assume? * Seylin walks over to Tia. [ "Yes, please. I'll have Scabrous show you the way." A huge thing with four arms, black skin, and a tusked mouth on it's belly moves behind her; you'd thought it was the wall, before. ] That's handy. * Seylin glances over her shoulder. "Eww. Okay, hang on a sec." * Vall takes the sack from Chelsea with a "Thank you, milady" * Seylin casts Cure Serious Wounds on Tia. * Patrick side-talks to Seylin. "You sure you're not an angel?" ~_^ [ Tia is healed! ] Thanks, Seylin! I feel better now. * Tia smiles. Not entirely. ^_~ And you're welcome, Tia! * Seylin smiles back. [ Meanwhile, the big ugly scary demon shows you to a thick ugly vile river, which is your first step on the way back home. Teh End! ]